How children can help alcoholic parents
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This Page was last reviewed and changed on July 11th, 2023
Children of alcoholic parents often feel alone and isolated. You may not understand why your parent drinks so much and why they prioritise alcohol over you and your family. The damage caused by alcoholic parents can begin when you are young and stick with you well into adulthood. However, it is important to realise that you are not alone and there are ways you can help your parent beat their alcohol addiction. Knowing how to talk to your parents about addiction and where to turn for assistance can be tough so we have created this page to provide important information about how to help alcoholic parents get the help they need.
How to talk to your parent about their alcohol addiction
Talking to your parent about their alcoholism can be difficult, especially if their drinking has caused you to fear them or has affected your confidence. You may even resent them or even dislike them to the point that you don’t want to help them.
It’s important to remember, however, that your parent is ill and that you cannot make decisions for them. The best thing you can do is to try and have a calm and honest conversation with them about their drinking.
Some tips to make the conversation go better include:
- Giving clear examples of how your parent’s alcoholism is affecting you and the rest of your family
- Remind them how things used to be before they started drinking so much
- Tell them that you miss having them in your life when they were sober
- Explain that you are worried about their health
- Remind them about important things such as grandchildren
It is important to plan the right moment and to think carefully about what you want to say. You will also decide whether this is going to be a one-to-one conversation or whether you will involve other members of your family or friends. Having extra support will make the conversation easier for you but it may make your parent feel like they are being ganged up on. Think about it carefully and then decide what is the best approach.
Remember that the most important thing is your own safety and welfare. If your parent becomes aggressive, walk away. They may not be ready for help and you shouldn’t allow your own life to continue to be affected by their drinking. This doesn’t mean you have to shut the door forever. Your parent may come to their own realisation later when they understand how much their drinking is costing them by losing their child.
What are the signs that my parent is an alcoholic?
There are a number of signs of alcoholism that apply to everyone with a drinking problem. However, there are also signs that are specific to parents which you may be able to identify in your parent. These include:
How does a parent’s alcoholism affect their children?
Growing up with an alcoholic parent can have a huge impact on everything from your self-esteem to your own drinking habits. Children of alcoholic parents often carry significant trauma from childhood with them all of their lives and this can affect their relationships, their work, and their own mental and physical health.
Some of the ways in which children of alcoholic parents are affected include:
The things we learn as children shape the rest of our lives and so your home environment can have a major impact on your health and happiness. If you are struggling with trauma or the effects of your parent’s alcoholism, it is important to seek help. There are many support groups and charities that can offer you advice and guidance. Get in touch with UKAT today and we can advise you on how to seek help.
Why you can’t force an alcoholic parent to seek treatment
You cannot force an alcoholic parent into treatment no matter how much you want them to stop drinking, they will only do it if they want to. Not only is it likely to fail, but it could result in them becoming resentful and lead to further issues both in their drinking and in your relationship.
A person needs to want to get better before they can successfully overcome alcohol addiction. If your parent is not at that point yet, offer them support and encouragement until they are ready to seek help. If and when that time comes, you can help them find a rehab centre or provide them with information about addiction treatment options and where to get advice and support.
Importantly, you need to look after yourself and the rest of your family. Some people just need time to recognise they need help while others may need a little tough love before the penny drops. If your alcoholic parent is not ready, and especially if their behaviour is hurting you or your loved ones, you may need to walk away. Just try to keep the door open and be there to support your parent when the realisation finally comes. While the earlier they seek help the better, it is never too late.
What to do next
Helping an alcoholic parent is an incredibly brave thing to do. If your parent gets the treatment they need, it can transform their lives and your relationship. However, it is not your responsibility to look after your parent and you cannot force this to happen. Remember that although things may seem tough now, looking after yourself and making sure you are safe is the best way to proceed.