A guide for families dealing with addiction: How to support your loved one and yourself

Understanding addiction

What is addiction?

Addiction is a condition in which a person becomes dependent on a substance or behaviour despite the negative consequences it has on their life and those around them. It often alters brain functions, making it harder for individuals to control their impulses and prioritise healthier choices. If you are concerned about a loved one, it’s essential to understand that addiction is not a failure of willpower or character but a serious health issue that requires compassion, support, and often professional treatment.

What to look for

Addiction doesn’t exist in isolation; it affects every facet of a person’s life, including their physical health, emotions, work, and relationships. As family members, you may find yourself caught in the ripple effects of their substance use.

The gap between heavy substance use and dependency can seem hazy, and with an estimated 100 million individuals worldwide being impacted by a family member’s addiction, knowing the signs of addiction is a critical first step in understanding what your loved one may be going through and beginning the process of helping them.

Addiction typically manifests in three main areas:

If you notice these signs in a loved one, it may indicate they are struggling with addiction.

The impact of addiction on families

Addiction doesn’t just affect the individual struggling with substance use; its effects ripple outwards, often leaving family members feeling stress, frustration, and helplessness. Understanding the specific ways addiction can harm families is a crucial step toward seeking the right support. Some of the most common impacts include:

• Unpredictable mood changes in the addicted individual: Addiction can alter brain chemistry, leading to unpredictable behaviour and mood swings. Family members may feel as though they’re “walking on eggshells,” unsure of how their loved one will react at any given time. Outbursts of anger, periods of withdrawal, or heightened emotional sensitivity can erode trust and create an unstable home environment.
• Strained relationships between partners: Addiction can place immense strain on romantic relationships, leading to conflicts, mistrust, and feelings of isolation. Partners may struggle with the tension between wanting to help and feeling resentful over the damage addiction has caused. In some cases, unresolved issues surrounding addiction can lead to separation or divorce. Healthy communication often becomes difficult, and the emotional toll on the relationship is profound.
• Emotional distress for children in the household: Children are particularly vulnerable to the effects of addiction. Witnessing a parent’s substance abuse can lead to confusion, fear, and anxiety. Children might feel responsible for the problems at home or powerless to change them. Over time, these experiences can contribute to emotional and mental health challenges, affecting a child’s self-esteem, ability to trust others, and future relationships. They may also struggle academically and socially as a result of the instability at home.
• Financial difficulties due to the cost of addiction: Addiction often comes with financial burdens. Money spent on substances, legal fees, or professional treatment can strain a family’s budget, leading to debt and financial insecurity. Addicted individuals may also struggle to maintain steady employment, further compounding these challenges. Families may face difficult decisions, such as cutting back on necessities or borrowing money, just to manage the financial fallout.
• Legal or employment issues: Substance abuse can lead to legal problems, such as arrests for possession or driving under the influence. These issues can put added pressure on family members who may feel responsible for bailing out or defending their loved one. Employment can also become unstable, as addiction affects performance, attendance, and overall job security. The loss of a job can add further stress to the family unit and exacerbate financial concerns.
• Children at greater risk for emotional and future substance use issues: Children growing up in households where addiction is present are statistically at higher risk of developing their own substance use issues later in life. The instability and trauma they experience can lead them to cope in unhealthy ways, perpetuating a cycle of addiction within families. Recognising this risk early on can help family members seek preventive care for the children involved, such as therapy or counselling, to break this cycle.
• Increased stress, anxiety, and burnout: Spouses and close family members often bear the emotional burden of addiction. Over time, the stress of managing the addicted individual’s behaviour, finances, and emotional needs can lead to anxiety, depression, and even physical health problems like exhaustion or burnout. Caregivers may feel overwhelmed and isolated, which is why it’s crucial for them to seek support as well—whether through therapy, support groups, or counselling.

Are you enabling your loved one?

It’s common for families and friends of those struggling with addiction to provide assistance out of love and concern, but sometimes, these well-intentioned actions may actually enable the addiction. Enabling occurs when actions allow an individual to continue harmful behaviours without facing the consequences, unintentionally reinforcing the addiction. Identifying enabling behaviours is the first step in fostering a healthier, more supportive relationship that encourages recovery rather than addiction.

Regonsing enabling behaviours

Enabling can often look like support but usually involves actions that prevent the person with addiction from taking responsibility for their behaviour. Common enabling behaviours can look like:

• Financial support: Offering money, paying bills, or covering debts. While it may seem like you’re helping them avoid hardship, financial support can often free up resources for them to spend on their addiction.
• Making excuses: Covering up for missed obligations, such as calling in sick for them, explaining away their behaviour, or lying to others to protect their reputation. This keeps them from facing the real-life consequences of their actions.
• Avoiding conversations about their behaviour: Brushing off or ignoring signs of addiction to “keep the peace” can create an environment where the addiction is never confronted.
• Taking over responsibilities: Taking on their responsibilities—such as handling their work, paying rent, or managing daily tasks—can prevent them from experiencing the full impact of their choices and realising the need for change.
• Providing emotional reassurance despite unchanged behaviour: Constant reassurance without setting limits or boundaries can lead them to believe that their actions have no negative impact on others, allowing the cycle of addiction to continue.

When family members or friends step in to shield their loved ones from hardship or discomfort, it can delay their recognition of the need for change. Enabling behaviours can undermine the recovery process by allowing the person to stay in denial about the seriousness of their addiction. Shielded from consequences, they may see less reason to seek help, leading to a longer and more difficult journey to recovery. When you stop enabling, you provide the space for them to face the realities of addiction and, ultimately, become motivated to seek change.

When to Intervene?

Recognising when to intervene in a loved one’s addiction can be challenging, as addiction often masks itself in denial, secrecy, and shame. However, waiting too long to address the problem can lead to severe consequences, both physically and emotionally. Knowing the signs of when to intervene could be crucial to saving their life.

Signs it’s time to intervene:

1. Physical and emotional changes: Noticeable changes in appearance, hygiene, weight, or sleeping patterns may indicate an addiction issue. In addition, emotional instability, such as mood swings, increased irritability, depression, or anxiety, can also signal a need for help.
2. Neglecting responsibilities: When addiction starts to interfere with day-to-day responsibilities, missing work, neglecting household duties, or failing to keep commitments, it’s a sign that substance use has taken priority over other aspects of life.
3. Withdrawal from family and friends: Isolation is common as someone struggles with addiction. They may withdraw from social activities and family gatherings or even stop communicating with loved ones. This detachment could be a sign of shame or an effort to hide their substance use.
4. Risky or reckless behaviour: Engaging in dangerous activities, such as driving under the influence, engaging in risky sexual behaviour, or legal troubles, are red flags that addiction is spiralling out of control.
5. Health problems: Drug or alcohol use can severely impact both physical and mental health. Frequent illnesses, unexplained injuries, or hospital visits related to substance use are clear signs that intervention is necessary.
6. Financial issues: Addiction often leads to financial instability. If your loved one is borrowing money frequently, neglecting bills, or selling possessions to support their habit, this could be a clear indication that their addiction has taken over their life.

These signs can manifest slowly over time but are extremely overwhelming for all individuals involved. While approaching the issue can be difficult, taking action can prevent further harm and open the door to recovery.

The importance of early intervention

Simply put, the earlier you intervene, the better the chances of recovery. Addiction tends to escalate over time, leading to deeper dependence and more significant health risks. Early intervention can prevent long-term physical and psychological damage, reduce the chances of dangerous behaviours, and help the individual regain control before they spiral further into addiction.

Early intervention, coupled with compassion and professional support, can truly help your loved one reclaim their life and set them on the path towards long-term healing.

How to convince someone to go to rehab?

Convincing a loved one to seek help for their addiction can be one of the most challenging conversations you’ll ever have. It requires patience, understanding, and careful planning.

Addiction comes with many strong emotions, including anger and denial and trying to ‘force’ someone into a rehab facility won’t always work. Sometimes, that person has to hit their ‘rock bottom’ or come to the conclusion that they need help. However, there are some steps you can take to guide you through the difficult process of convincing someone you love that they need help.

1. Educate yourself: Before approaching your loved one, it’s important to understand the nature of addiction and the treatment options available. Research different rehab centres, treatment programmes, and success stories to feel more confident in discussing the benefits of rehab.
2. Choose the right time: Timing is crucial when talking about rehab. Avoid bringing it up during moments of conflict or when the person is under the influence. Look for a calm moment when they are more likely to be receptive and open to hearing you out.
3. Express your concerns with empathy: Use “I” statements to express your concerns, such as “I’ve noticed you’ve been struggling lately, and I’m worried about you.” Avoid blaming or shaming language, which can make your loved one feel defensive. Emphasise that your goal is to help them, not to criticise.
4. Focus on the positive outcomes: Highlight the benefits of rehab, such as the opportunity for a fresh start, improved health, and rebuilding relationships. It’s helpful to remind them of the life they could regain or build by getting help rather than solely focusing on the negative consequences of their addiction.
5. Prepare for resistance: Many people struggling with addiction are in denial about the severity of their problem or are afraid of the changes rehab will bring. Be prepared for pushback and be patient if they resist the idea at first. Sometimes, it takes multiple conversations for someone to understand the need for treatment fully.
6. Seek professional help if necessary: If your loved one continues to resist, consider consulting a professional interventionist or therapist who specialises in addiction. They can help mediate the conversation and guide your loved one toward accepting the need for rehab.
7. Offer your support: Let them know that they won’t have to go through the process alone. Offer to help with finding a rehab centre, making arrangements, or even accompanying them to the first session if that’s what they need. Your support can make the transition to rehab feel less intimidating.

Ultimately, convincing someone to go to rehab is about persistence and compassion. By approaching the conversation with care, understanding, and a focus on positive change, you can help your loved one take the first step toward recovery.

An overview of the rehab process

Addiction rehab can be daunting for the individual seeking treatment- but it can also be a minefield for their loved ones. Knowing how rehab may take shape can help to quell some of this anxiety for you.

Rehab normally has an average of 5 steps:

1. Acknowledgement  
2. Admission
3. Detox
4. Rehab
5. Aftercare

Supporting your loved one: Practical tips

When someone you love is battling addiction, it’s natural to feel helpless at times. However, there are many practical ways you can actively contribute to their journey toward recovery, both before and during rehab.

Here’s how you can offer meaningful support:

• Encourage open communication: Addiction can be isolating, and it’s easy for your loved one to feel alone in their struggle. Make it clear that you’re there to listen, without judgement. Let them express their thoughts, emotions, and fears, even if they’re hard to hear. Creating an open space for communication helps build trust and allows them to feel safe sharing their vulnerability with you.

• Research resources: Take the initiative to research local and online resources that could be beneficial. Whether it’s finding a nearby support group, researching therapy options, or exploring rehab facilities, showing that help is available can make a significant difference. It’s important not to overwhelm them with information but to have resources ready should they ask for assistance.

• Be present: One of the most valuable gifts you can offer is your presence. Spend quality time with your loved one, engaging in activities that reinforce emotional support and provide a positive outlet. Whether it’s going for a walk, sharing a meal, or simply sitting together in a calm environment, your presence can help reduce feelings of isolation.

• Participate in therapy: If family therapy is available, participate. These sessions can be incredibly eye-opening, helping you understand the root causes of addiction, how it affects your loved one, and how it impacts the family dynamic as a whole. Family therapy also offers a platform for you to learn how to set healthy boundaries while supporting your loved one through their recovery journey.

• Share your feelings: Addiction doesn’t just affect the person struggling; it impacts everyone around them. Gently share how their addiction has affected you and others close to them. Doing this calmly and non-confrontational can help your loved one see the broader effects of their behaviour. However, it’s essential to approach this conversation with empathy and understanding, ensuring it doesn’t come across as blame.

Supporting someone through addiction is a challenging yet rewarding process. You can be a vital part of their healing journey by remaining patient, compassionate, and informed.

Preparing emotionally for the rehab journey

When a loved one prepares to enter rehab, it’s natural to feel an array of emotions: hope, fear of the unknown, and even lingering doubt or scepticism. Preparing emotionally for this journey not only helps you remain grounded and resilient but also allows you to be a steady source of support.

Here are some strategies to guide you as you prepare emotionally for the journey ahead:

Setting the right boundaries when they are in rehab

Setting boundaries when a loved one enters rehab can feel challenging but is essential for fostering a healthy recovery environment. These boundaries help both you and your loved one understand the lines between support and enabling, allowing space for them to take ownership of their recovery journey.

Here are some tips on setting effective, compassionate boundaries that support their progress:

Setting and maintaining boundaries is about protecting your well-being while supporting your loved one’s journey toward a sober life. Boundaries provide structure and security, allowing your loved one the freedom to take charge of their own recovery. By honouring your own limits and respecting theirs, you create a foundation of mutual respect and understanding that can support both of you through the challenges and rewards of this imperative journey.

Limited contact at rehab for families: Why?

When a loved one enters rehab, it can be an overwhelming and emotional time for the family. One of the more challenging aspects is the limited contact between the individual in treatment and their family during the initial stages of rehab. While this may feel isolating, it serves a critical part of the recovery process. It’s designed to create an environment where both the person in recovery and their family can begin healing, while also addressing the dynamics that may have contributed to the addiction.

Breaking the cycle of enabling behaviours

One of the primary reasons for limited contact is to break the cycle of enabling behaviours. Family members, often unintentionally, may have developed patterns that enable the addiction to persist. For instance, offering financial support, covering up for the person’s mistakes, or providing emotional reassurance can allow the addiction to continue unchecked. This behaviour, while well-meaning, prevents the individual from facing the full impact of their addiction and the consequences that come with it.

Limited contact during rehab helps both the family and the person in recovery to shift these dynamics. It provides the space for the individual to focus solely on their healing journey without external influences that could undermine their progress and make them regress. Meanwhile, family members have the opportunity to reflect on their own role in the relationship and seek support for themselves.

Creating boundaries for lasting recovery

Healthy boundaries are crucial in fostering long-term recovery. The early stages of rehab are often focused on helping the individual learn new coping mechanisms, understand the root causes of their addiction, and develop a stronger sense of independence. Too much communication with family during this time can disrupt this process, particularly if unresolved emotional tensions or codependent behaviours are still at play.

Limited contact encourages families to respect the person’s need for autonomy in their recovery, reinforcing the idea that recovery is a personal journey. It also allows family members to establish their own boundaries, ensuring that when communication resumes, it is healthier and more constructive.

A healthy fresh start for both sides

For both the individual in rehab and their family, the process of addiction recovery often involves reevaluating relationships and starting anew. By limiting contact, rehab programmes encourage this fresh start by creating an environment where each party can heal, grow, and learn independently before reconnecting.

Ultimately, limited contact is not meant to push families apart but to lay the groundwork for healthier, more sustainable relationships when they come back together. By respecting the important boundaries set by the rehab facility, families not only support the recovery process  but also contribute to creating a healthier dynamic with their loved one.

Looking after yourself while supporting a loved one

Supporting a loved one through addiction recovery can be physically and emotionally exhausting. While it’s natural to want to dedicate yourself to helping them, it’s equally important to take care of your own well-being.

As the saying goes, “You cannot pour from an empty cup.” To effectively support your loved one, you must also prioritise your mental and emotional health.

Here are some key ways to look after yourself while caring for someone in recovery:

• Build a support network: Surround yourself with people you trust who can offer emotional support. This could be a close friend, another family member, or someone who understands your situation. Having someone to confide in can alleviate the emotional burden and prevent feelings of isolation.

• Engage with formal support: Consider joining support groups for families of individuals struggling with addiction. These groups provide a safe space to share your experiences and learn from others who are going through similar situations. Organisations like Al-Anon or family therapy groups are excellent resources for this.

• Participate in Family Therapy: Family therapy not only helps your loved one, but it also provides an opportunity for you to voice your concerns, receive guidance, and learn healthier ways to navigate family dynamics. It can help strengthen the entire family’s ability to support each other.

• Set boundaries and know when to step back: Supporting a loved one in recovery can feel like a full-time job, but it’s important to recognise your limits. If visiting rehab feels overwhelming, it’s okay to take a step back. Set boundaries that allow you to take care of yourself while still offering support.

• Seek additional support if you’re a caregiver: If you have significant caregiving responsibilities, explore whether you qualify for additional support, such as respite care, financial aid, or social services. This can help lighten the load and provide practical assistance when needed.

• Maintain your social life: Don’t withdraw from your social circle. Keep engaging with friends and family, even if your schedule is busy. Social connections offer a sense of normalcy and can help you feel more grounded during tough times.

• Make time for self-care: Dedicate time to the things that bring you joy and relaxation, whether it’s reading, exercising, or indulging in a hobby. These moments of self-care help recharge your emotional batteries and offer a break from the stress of caregiving.

• Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness practices, such as meditation, breathing exercises, or yoga, can help you stay present and manage stress. These techniques encourage relaxation and emotional resilience, allowing you to better cope with the challenges of supporting someone in recovery.

• Don’t bottle up your emotions: It’s essential not to suppress your feelings. Talk openly about your emotions, either with friends, family, or a therapist. Keeping everything inside can lead to burnout or resentment, so find safe outlets to express how you’re feeling.

• Seek professional help if needed: If the emotional toll of supporting your loved one becomes too much, don’t hesitate to seek help from a therapist or counsellor. Talking to a professional can provide clarity and strategies to manage your feelings during this challenging time.

Supporting someone through addiction recovery is demanding, but by taking care of yourself, you’ll be in a better position to offer them the help they need while maintaining your own well-being. Remember, self-care isn’t selfish; it’s necessary.

UKAT family support

At UKAT, we understand that addiction affects more than just the individual. That’s why we offer a family support programme to help those impacted by a loved one’s addiction. This is where you will have a safe space where you can be heard, share your experiences, and understand your loved one even more.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, we can also assist with managing your own mental health concerns, such as anxiety, depression, and chronic stress.

For more information on how we can support you and your family through addiction and recovery, reach out to UKAT today. Remember, you’re not alone on this journey- we are only a phone call away.