The Tell-tale Signs of a Secret Drinker

For many people struggling with alcohol addiction, their habits won’t always appear in plain sight. A secret drinker may strive to keep their addiction veiled in isolated darkness, which can only serve to compound the dangers of substance abuse over time.

We take a look at some of the tell-tale signs of a secret drinker and provide signs to watch out for. We’ll show you steps you can take to approach the problem with empathy, creating the first step toward recovery.

What is “secret drinking”?

As someone slips deeper into using a substance that causes them harm, they often take the initiative to hide what they’re doing from the people who have their best interest at heart. Taking a substance covertly or in a hidden way is especially true for people with an alcohol use disorder (AUD).

Secretive drinking is when a person deliberately hides or downplays the amount of alcohol they consume. A secret drinker may take measures like lying to you about how much they had on a night out or adding alcohol to an innocuous-looking drink bottle as they go about their day.

If someone is taking measures to hide their drinking habits, it could be a sign of a deeper alcohol issue. As a friend or loved one to this person, you may feel at a loss on how to help them if you aren’t given the complete picture.

Not being honest about alcohol consumption

In the UK, the prevalence of secret drinking may be higher than many realise. A 2019 YouGov survey highlights some surprising statistics about our honesty in alcohol consumption. These include:

• A quarter of Brits (27%) have told someone they drink less than they actually do.
• Of this number, more than half have lied to a healthcare provider or GP.
• 43% of people who lied about their alcohol intake did so to their parents, and one-third lied to their children

When someone gives a dishonest account of how much they are drinking, it’s difficult for loved ones to understand how much help they need. This is also unfortunately true for medical professionals who seek to support them as they recover from addiction.

Why do some people decide to drink in secret?

The reasons that a person chooses to hide their drinking are varied and complex. For younger people who choose to drink, it may be understandable that they try to hide drinking from the prying eyes of parents or guardians. For adults, however, regularly hiding how much they drink can be a sign of deeper issues developing. The reasons may include:

• Feeling a sense of embarrassment or shame from the need to drink simply to function or have fun.
• A deepening issue of growing alcohol dependence.
• A deep, personal trauma that they try to self-medicate by dangerously drinking in isolation.

In all of these cases, hiding alcohol use can have dire consequences if left unaddressed.

How can I tell if someone is a secret drinker?

If someone you know is secretly drinking, they may have gone to great lengths to hide it from you, their broader social circles and their work colleagues. They may have spent a long time deliberating on how to avoid judgement, consequences, and interventions from the people whose opinions they value.

Here are some of the ways a secret drinker might mask their alcohol intake:

• Hiding or storing alcohol in strange places. This can include choosing spots where other people aren’t likely to look, like the back of cabinets or inside personal bags.
• They may choose containers that are disguised, like non-alcoholic bottles. A secret drinker may use a deceptive container at work to hide it from others.
• Isolating themselves to drink heavily while alone or in a secluded place to detach from other people. Some may choose late-night drinking while others are asleep to hide it.
• Some secret drinkers may strive to mask the smell of alcohol on their breath with constant mints and mouthwash. This could be done before getting to work or in a social situation.
• Hiding empty bottles as they build up so that cohabitors, visitors, or neighbours don’t see them.
• They may have a stockpile of alcohol somewhere out of plain sight, like in their car, at work, or in covert spots around the house.

It’s important to remember that as a person chooses to drink in secret, in their mind, their decision may be a logical one. They’ve spent time worrying about how they’re perceived, and they may wish to protect friends and families from worrying about the problem.

How can I broach the topic of secret drinking with a loved one?

If you feel a loved one may be drinking in secret or hiding the amount, it may be time to face the difficult challenge of confronting them about it. Since they’re masking the habit, it’s important to approach them with care, avoiding guilt or shame while showing love and concern.

Here are some considerate steps to take if you’re trying to raise the problem with them:

Recognise any codependency beforehand

Before addressing the topic, consider how seriously and heavily they may respond to what you say. Take a moment to reflect on whether codependency might affect your approach. If you are codependent, there may have been times in the past when excuses were made or consequences were avoided. It’s not easy to objectively weigh up your codependency; just be ready to treat the topic in the most objective and balanced way possible.

Open up the dialogue

Choose the best time and place to express how you feel. Your concerns will be better heard when they’re sober, and you are both in private. The habit has become secretive, so you don’t want them to feel ambushed or pushed into a corner. If you aren’t careful, there’s a higher risk of them becoming defensive and confrontational. Keep your words sincere, and let them know you’re coming from a place of love, not of accusation.

Make sure you aren’t enabling

Once the initial conversation is held, stay steadfast and make sure you aren’t enabling further secret drinking. Enabling happens when your actions, even unintentionally, make it easier for someone to continue their secret drinking. This could include ignoring the problem or covering for them in work or social settings. Especially when we’re trying to help those near and dear to us, we seek to keep the peace. Remind yourself that you cannot become this person’s shield or safety net.

Seek professional medical help

When a loved one decides to drink in secret, they are sadly choosing to suffer in silence. We understand how distressing it can be to see someone you love slip into the clutches of alcohol addiction, and we know that getting help at the right time is critical.

This is where we want to extend our hand.

Here at UKAT, we specialise in helping people escape from drug and alcohol addiction. Our expert staff are trained to deliver comprehensive support for those struggling. We pride ourselves on offering personalised care to help your loved one take the first steps toward recovery.

The help you need is only one click or phone call away. Contact us to help your loved one on the path to a healthier, alcohol-free life.