Netflix’s Adolescence: Are parents to blame?

The premise of the show may seem simple: an adolescent boy is arrested for having stabbed and killed a young girl from his school. The show doesn’t just focus on the crime, it explores the aftermath through the eyes of those surrounding Jamie, the murderer. We witness the ripple effects on his family, the school, and those involved in the investigation. What truly resonated with me was the importance of social media within this story. The question of cyber-bullying, what content children are exposed to and are parents to blame for what their children see online?

Social media has become toxic

Social media was once seen as a revolutionary way to stay connected. As mentioned in Netflix’s Docudrama, The Social Dilemma, “It’s easy today to lose sight of the fact that these tools actually have created some wonderful things in the world. I think we were naive about the flip side of that coin”. But over time, it has morphed into an addictive, all-consuming presence, especially for children and teenagers. Platforms like Instagram and TikTok fuel a culture of comparison, promoting unattainable beauty and living standards, while apps like Snapchat encourage secrecy and fleeting interactions.

The extent of this toxicity is starkly portrayed in Netflix’s Adolescence, which highlights alarming trends: children as young as 13 exchanging explicit photos, the ease in which cyberbullying can occur and how the fickle and mind-numbing content is often being consumed as fact. It’s no surprise that young people who spend excessive time on social media report higher rates of depression compared to those who engage less.

The Social Dilemma exposes the extent to which these platforms manipulate young users… “Let’s figure out how to get as much of this person’s attention as we possibly can. How much time can we get you to spend? How much of your life can we get you to give us?” Designed with addictive algorithms and behavioural tracking, they push content tailored to keep users scrolling, and create a feedback loop of dopamine hits that mirror substance addiction. Young children, who are still developing critical thinking and self-regulation skills, become trapped in an online world where self-worth is dictated by their online presence. A reality vividly illustrated in Adolescence through Jamie.

The ‘Red Pill’ influence and the mental health crisis for young men

Beyond traditional social media pressures, a growing online subculture known as the ‘Red Pill’ movement has gained traction among young men, shaping their perceptions of masculinity, relationships, and self-worth. Popularised by influences on Youtube, TikTok and other platforms, this ideology claims to “wake up” men to supposed hard realities on gender dynamics, often promoting misogynistic and hyper-masculine views. They ”frame women as innately and entirely ruled by their emotions and men as hyper-logical yet simultaneously render women as cynical and manipulative and men as soft-hearted, hopeless romantics” While marketed as a guide to self-improvement and empowerment, it frequently fosters resentment, emotional suppression, and a distorted view of relationships.

Adolescence shines a light on the struggles of modern young men growing up in a digital age that bombards them with conflicting messages about masculinity. The series explores themes of identity, navigating rejection and pressure to conform to male archetypes.

For those already struggling with self-esteem and identity issues the Red Pill movement offers a seemingly comforting but ultimately toxic escape. It frames the world as a battle between dominant ‘high-value’ men and everyone else, encouraging anger, resentment, and an unhealthy detachment from emotional vulnerability, as one’s “worth and purpose” is linked to “one’s ability to capture the object of one’s desire (particular women)” We see this in Adolescence when Jamie calls himself ugly and decidedly asks out the victim when he deemed her vulnerable enough to say yes. Ultimately this rejection is the catalyst for her murder. Studies have shown that young men immersed in these online communities report higher levels of loneliness, depression, and distrust in real-world relationships, creating a vicious cycle where they seek further validation from these same harmful spaces.

Parents, educators, and mental health professionals must be aware of the subtle ways in which young men might be drawn into these narratives. Just as unrealistic beauty standards harm teenage girls, this relatively new ideology pressures young men into adopting a rigid, unhealthy version of masculinity that stifles emotional growth, connection and mental health. The depiction of these struggles in Adolescence serves as a wake-up call, illustrating how impressionable young minds can be swayed by online influencers and social media platforms who capitalise on their insecurities.

The first line of defence: Parents

So, are parents to blame? The reality is, while influencers, social media and technology companies hold significant responsibility, parents also play a crucial role in their children’s relationship with these platforms. Parenting in the digital age comes with new challenges, requiring a balance between protection, education and self-awareness. This narrative is explored further in Adolescence in a simple scene where the parents are talking, wondering where it all went wrong and if they are to blame.

“He never left his room. He’d come home, slam the door, straight up the stairs on the computer”

“We couldn’t do nothing about that. All kids are like that these days, aren’t they? You don’t know what they’re watching in their room. You can’t keep an eye on them all the time, love. We just can’t”

Many parents hand over smartphones and tablets to their children as a way to keep them entertained, a modern day version of the television babysitter. What starts as innocent YouTube videos or games can quickly become the start to an endless cycle of social media dependency. Without proper oversight, children can spiral into excessive screen time, exposure to inappropriate content, and reliance on digital validation.

“ It’s not our fault. We can’t blame ourselves”

“ But we made him, didn’t we?”

“But he was in his room, weren’t he? We thought he was safe, didn’t we? You, what harm can he do in there? I thought we were doing the right thing.” 

While screens can be valuable tools for learning and entertainment, unmonitored access can lead to unintended consequences, from exposure to harmful content to increased social isolation. Rather than using screens as an easy default to occupy children’s attention or giving into the peer pressure surrounding young people and social media, parents should establish clear boundaries on screen time and encourage alternative activities that foster creativity, real-world engagement, and social interaction.

However, managing screen time is just part of the equation. Many parents worry about internet safety but may not fully grasp how deeply social media and online interactions shape their child’s mental health. The pressures of online validation, the risks of cyberbullying, and the blurred lines between reality and digital personas can significantly impact emotional well-being. These critical issues often go unaddressed in daily family conversations. Ultimately, parents are the first and most influential line of defense, and it’s up to them to lead with both caution and care, fostering a safe and healthy digital environment for their children.

What parents can do

Blaming the parents alone won’t solve this crisis. Instead, parents and society must take a proactive step to protect adolescent mental health from the dangers being online can possess. But what exactly can be done?

Most of the discourse surrounding the show and its message has unfolded online, with viral  clips being shared and strangers commenting and debating the message of the show. The irony is not lost on me, yet the conversation itself is needed. Netflix’s latest hit has allowed for that conversation to take place. Parents are now confronting the realities of what their children might be exposed to, kids are speaking out about the troubling clips they’ve seen online, young adults are partaking in critical conversation around what they’re consuming on these platforms.

Stephen Graham and Jack Thorne’s Adolescence success lies in the way it touches nerves and feels strikingly close to home. Whether you’re a teenager living through the similarities portrayed, a viewer who has previously stumbled across the detrimental viral clips on social media, or a parent struggling to understand your child’s relationship with the internet, this show has sparked a reaction in everyone who has watched it.

Ex-Facebook executive Chamath once stated that “the tools that have been created today are starting to erode the social fabric of how society works” and this is shown pointedly and powerfully within the show as we pan into a sobbing father whose whole world has crashed around him due to his son’s actions, it’s hard not to sympathise. As a parent, he blames himself and feels as if he has let his son down, which makes his final words, “I’m sorry son”, that more powerful.

If you’re concerned about your child’s online behaviour or suspect they may be dealing with something more sinister, such as social media or internet addiction, don’t hesitate to reach out for support. Whether it’s a mental health professional or UKAT, there’s always someone ready to help guide you in the right direction.