How to talk to your child about alcohol

“Mum… Dad… What’s that funny-smelling stuff you two sometimes drink? Why can’t I have some?”

This question from your child can strike like lightning and can arise at a time you never expected. Like so many of our vices, we don’t want to pass them on to our children. So is there a way to prepare for this question? Are there a few age-specific principles a parent can follow when seeking the safest and most beneficial answers?

This blog aims to speak to the hearts of parents when they face such a piercing question from their child and how they can best prepare for it.

Why can’t children drink?

The answer to this question may have been taught before you truly remember, or instilled within through in other ways. Forcibly stopping a young child from drinking is second nature to almost everyone.

Though the question might appear so simple that it isn’t worth asking, for the sake of physical health and personal morality, it can sometimes be beneficial to ask questions of cultural norms.

Consider the UK’s drinking laws, where a 16-year-old, under adult supervision, can legally drink (but not buy) beer, wine or cider with their meal while dining. An American family visiting the UK might be taken aback if they saw this in a pub, as the minimum legal drinking age is 21 in many US states.

The ethanol found in alcoholic drinks is quite literally poison. Ethanol is harmful to ingest or inhale and it even hurts if we absorb it through our skin. When ethanol repeatedly comes into contact with our skin, it results in skin cracking, peeling and itching. Ingesting alcohol causes damaging effects like headaches, fatigue and sickness.

With the poisonous effects of alcohol laid out, it becomes clear to understand how, by law, children should never be allowed to drink alcohol.

So how can I talk to my child about alcohol?

There will come a time in your child’s life when they grow curious enough to ask you about topics you might not understand, and you might even really hope they didn’t ask, for fear of your answer misleading them.

As a parent, It’s natural to feel forms of nervous energy when you know the words you choose for them can make or break their later life. Relating to alcohol, the amount of alcohol that is poisonous to children varies. The bottom line is that alcohol harms children. Even in tiny amounts, alcohol can hurt a child, much smaller than adults can tolerate.

Each parent-child relationship is different, but we’ve outlined 3 major periods of a child’s growing years to provide you with a way of communicating alcohol’s dangers in a way that protects them:

Young children (ages 5 – 9)

For young children, it is often best to only speak of vices when the topic comes up naturally. Try as you might to delay their introduction to what alcohol is, it’s depicted on TV so often that they are bound to grow curious.

Keep the message simple: it might be beneficial to tell them how alcohol slows the body and mind. “It stops mommy and daddy from making proper decisions, like realising when water is too deep, or when a car comes too close.” You might even find it better to get through to your child in a more playful or jovial way. Tell them how it makes your breath stink!

Set boundaries: At this early age they may even start wondering about fairness and justice. “Why is it okay for adults to drink, but not me?” The importance of following rules for your child may come above satiating their questioning mind with answers. Think back to the early questions you had for your parents. Were any of them answered with just: “Because”?

Pre-teens (ages 10 – 13)

Pre-teenage years may be the period that requires the most adept responses you can conjure up. Earlier years often benefit most from a dictatorial teaching style, while teenagers often feel more listened to when you take a back seat and hear them out. Pre-teen years flutter between the two and require your fullest attention.

Introduce the risks: At this stage, it’s likely that even if you haven’t laid out the aspects of alcohol that should repel them, they’ve heard about alcohol through other means. They likely have no experience with what alcohol feels like, though they might begin to grow curious. Tales in the playground and cruel classroom jokes are hard to control. You could try letting them know alcohol’s short and long-term effects like:

• Altered perceptions and emotions
• Accidents through bad-decision making
• Poor coordination and reactions

Long-term effects could also be introduced to them, such as:

• Liver damage
• Memory loss
• Heart and brain damage
• Shortened life-span

Laying out the possible risks can be beneficial for these formative years. It introduces to them the concept that their parents may not have every answer under the sun. Yet you should continue to encourage their questions so that their teachers, peers and broader society might help instill them with the tools to carve out a better life.

Teenagers (ages 14 – 18)

Tumultuous teenage years are fraught with boundary-pushing, experimenting and ultimately, freedom from parental control. Adolescence is a time when children engage in risky behaviours, and letting go can often be the most heartbreaking action (or duty) a parent can perform.

Use open dialogue: Teenagers often enter conversations believing they already have every answer, or they search to find whether a question they heard from a friend is permissible to raise to mom and dad. Open dialogue with a non-dictatorial atmosphere can help as you provide them with alcohol advice and the dangers to watch out for.

Connect with adults around you: Like it or loathe it, teenagers often spend time practicing the role of contrarian. Sometimes they can even decide that “the truth” simply cannot be expressed by mom and dad. Sad, but true. Yet teenagers still love to connect with adults. It might be the the school football manager or your child’s uncle who they don’t see enough of. Youth-adult connectedness is essential for adolescent wellbeing, so keep this in mind.

Use facts: Teenagers learn facts very quickly, so it can be helpful to try and keep up with them as best you can. Use factual information that you find to help them see the dangers of alcohol. There’s no hiding from the likelihood of alcohol eventually entering their lives. Whether that’s done in secret is not always in your control, so keep the communication of alcohol’s dangers scientific and true.

I want to help my loved one to stop drinking

It’s not easy to talk to your teenager about the dangers of drinking, nor is it easy to get through to an adult caught in the clutches of alcohol addiction. Well-meaning advice on how to stop drinking isn’t guaranteed to be accepted by either example.

Here at UKAT, we have comprehensive alcohol detox programmes that guide a person through every step out of alcoholism. Our staff are trained to handle the process with care and provide well-being support to loved ones as they help with the process.

Get in touch if you or a loved one are affected by alcohol’s addictive nature. We’re only one decision away and can help you on the path toward a sober, alcohol-free life.